Thursday, 24 November 2016

Slimming World | Week 1

So we’ve managed our first week of slimming world, we’ve hopped on the scales and seen our results.  How did it go?

Not as expected… no gain no loss, exactly the same as last week.  So there’s a couple of caveats on that. One, we had a bad week the week before which could be affecting this weigh-in – we basically ate out nearly every night as we were having painting done in the house and had to keep Squidge upstairs. Also, we’re not sure if our scales are working properly. Hubby jumped on them, saw a couple lbs loss, then knocked them by accident, put them back, jumped on them again and they were back to showing the same weight as last week… 

Either way, we’re not remotely deterred! We know if we stick to the plan, we’ll lose weight.

Every day I was under my syn allowance apart from one day (Friday) when I went out with a friend for a couple drinks. I opted for gin (25ml) and slimline tonic – I had 4 all together (one more than planned, oops). Syn wise that was 12 syns, so under the 15 target, but with other food I’d had that day it put me slightly over. However, all other days either side of it I’d been around 5 syns a day, so there was plenty to spare.

40g porridge oats (HE), 150ml milk (HE), 1 chopped apple, 1 tsp Truvia, 1 tsp cinnamon

I’ve been trying hard to make sure we have a third of a plate of veg with our meals too, where we can. Here’s what a typical meal plan has been like for us.

Weekday breakfast
40g oats with 150ml of milk (or a mullerlight yoghurt for overnight oats) and a handful of fruit (raspberries, strawberries and blueberries).

Weekend breakfast 
1 slice of medium toast, 2 teaspoons of butter, vine roasted cherry tomatoes and 4 slices of very lean bacon, or the toast and bacon with poached eggs instead of vine tomatoes.

Garlic and tomato wholemeal pasta or vegetable rice with 2 slices of honeydew melon for afters.
Tin of mackerel in sauce

Snack – fresh fruit – apple/plum/orange

Meat, lots of vegetables and some potato, or quorn Swedish style meatballs in a homemade garlic and basil tomato sauce with pasta. I did also cook an amazing beef stew at the weekend in the slow cooker, only 2 syns in the whole thing!
Dessert – Mullerlight yoghurt or nothing

40g porridge oats (HE), 150ml milk (HE), handful of raspberries and strawberries

All in all I think we’re doing pretty good. We’re only using spray olive oil (7 sprays = half syn) as I really struggle with the taste of fry light (yep I’ve tried the butter one and the olive oil one, all taste like chemicals).  I’m sticking to plan and I’m sure we’ll see a loss next week, as long as it’s not our scales that are acting up :)

Saturday, 19 November 2016


Squidge splashing in the rain

I have to laugh, just seeing that picture and calling it 'Splashing' makes me feel like I'm watching an episode of the Twirlywoos, lol.

Every Winter we buy Squidge some sort of coverall – previously it’s been a puddle or splash suit – a thin layer of protection to wear over his outfit. The one I bought for him last year was from Mothercare and was absolutely brilliant, but it was very thin, there’s no lining, and so wasn’t ideal when it was really cold.

This year he has a lined puddle suit. It’s soft, lovely and warm and water-proof. It’ll be great for going out in any snow we have (fingers crossed) and has been great for him going out in the rain.

The day these pictures were taken he was out in a ready heavy downpour of rain. When he got back home his clothes were really dry (and his hair and face thanks to the little cap) and he wasn’t sweaty (something I’d been worried about).  If he’d worn it for longer maybe he would have been warmer, but so far so good.

Squidge in his all-in-one in the rain

It’s made of lovely material and is really soft on the inside. It also comes in loads of different patterns and styles for both boys and girls.  Personally, I really like the plain style with the little boat emblem on it.  Plus, it matches up with his yellow Jojo Maman Bebe wellies perfectly :)

So far everything we’ve had and bought from Jojo Maman Bebe has been brilliant in quality and hasn’t faded in the wash. His PJs are still great, as is his London Bus top and leggings.  I know they’re not exactly cheap, but you really do get what you pay for, their products have been put through their paces by Squidge and are still looking almost unworn :)

Thursday, 17 November 2016

Life update

A teaser of the new colour in our lounge

I just wanted to say a big thank you for all the lovely comments you've left on my previous couple of blog posts. I don't think you'll ever know just how much that has meant to me, so thank you :)

In my post from the other day you might remember me saying that life has been a bit chaotic? Well I thought I'd give you a little update on what we've been busy with!

In an effort to get 1 room (the lounge) done in the new house by Christmas, we realised that for us to paint it would take months - just managing to maybe get 1hr a night on it after Squidge goes to bed. Bear in mind, we have bare plaster walls and woodwork, so it all needed priming/undercoats etc. So we decided to hire a painter and decorator. Oh my god was that a good idea! After having a few quotes, we picked a guy who seemed decent and for a decent price.

He did an amazing job, we couldn't be happier! Now we have phase 2 - ripping up the old and damaged laminate flooring and getting carpet put in. The carpet guy is popping over tomorrow, we'll make our pick and hopefully actually get it done next week. But that also means at some point in an evening, we have to try and rip up the laminate that's already there... yeah... I'll do a full post about it once the room is completely finished :) 

We've also bought a piano which is being delivered soon, which means we need to clear all the boxes of books that don't have a home so we can make room for it - where all this stuff is going to go, I've no idea.

We've also been trying to hunt down curtains and other bits and bobs, as well as getting some repairs done on our car and new tyres.  Feels like we haven't stopped for ages.

Squidge is coming along great - his speech is constantly improving, we can start to have little conversations with him now, it's great! All in all he's such a good little boy, it's the little things he does, like calling for us when he's in bed, instead of constantly running out of his room :) I'll do a proper Squidge update in a couple months.

Life is pretty good - I still have a gazillion ailments - bad back, pinched nerve in my back, plantar fasciitis in my right foot, bad achilles tendon in my left foot, and achy shoulders. But other than that I'm fine :) Work is good too, I'm getting to do little bits of illustration which is brilliant, keeps me very happy :) 

Anyway, this post was a lot longer than I intended! That's our little update :) 

Monday, 14 November 2016

4th time's a charm

A picture of me

I wasn’t planning on publishing two posts in two days, but I have news, well, something I wanted to document. Today, for the 4th time, I’ve joined Slimming World.

It’s really different this time. I don’t feel driven to lose weight, I don’t feel determined and all those other things I normally am when I join a weight-loss club. But I have reached a point where I absolutely HAVE to do something.

I’ve realised that my life has become very much ruled by my weight – whether that’s choosing a restaurant based on how decent their chairs look, to not leaving the house unless I have to because I’m so completely embarrassed and ashamed of how I look.  There’s also something I read on a post by the lovely Stacie from Life is worth the fight – she’d said that when she sees someone who’s really overweight just walking up a hill with no real problem, she feels it’s not fair, she’s slim and in dire need of a second lung transplant and struggles to walk just a few feet. She’s right, she’s one hundred million percent right, it’s not fair. My lungs already aren’t great (severe asthma since 5 years old), so surely I should be doing everything I can to help them (and my knees, and feet, and back which also give me aggro)?.... she’s right, I’d just never seen it like that.

For at least a year I’ve had to stop looking at people when I’m out and about. I get the most horrible scornful and disgusted looks off people. Once someone started so glaringly, I stopped and stood right in front of them and stared right back at her until she looked away.  People can be so insensitive, those glances and looks can be very hurtful.  Yes I’m very overweight, no I don’t want to be, but those looks and judgements make me not want to stretch my legs and get exercise at lunch time, and instead hide away where I’m sheltered from such judgement.

I’m feeling completely miserable with myself, I hate my grossly overweight body. I used to look at people who were very, very overweight and say ‘how can they let that happen’ and now I’ve let it happen to me. I think one of the reasons I feel so apathetic towards it, is because I have so much to lose I don’t feel that I’ll ever be able to get back to just being overweight – that’s just how far I have to go.

I basically have to lose a person in weight, feels like the biggest uphill struggle and is very overwhelming. I know that everyone will say not to focus on the end goal, but smaller goals like 10% or 1 stone, but when you have so much to lose, it’s hard to keep the focus on small interim goals.  Team that up with the fact I’ve never managed to lose more than 4 stone… it seems to be my marathon-runners ‘wall’. I’ll lose 4 stone and give up. I feel like, if I can get past that, I might stand a chance.

I’ll be documenting my weigh-ins each week here. As much as I’m not going to share with you my actual weight, I’m just too ashamed, I will have a running total of how much I’ve lost and how much I’ve lost/gained each week.

I’m sorry that this ended up being so negative (not a fan of negativity), I think I’m just in a negative/not-good place at the moment which is down to all of the above, and generally having a lot of negativity around me at the moment, it really wears me down.  Hopefully in a few months or year or so I’ll look back at these posts and see how far I’ve come and that the tone will be much more positive :)

Sunday, 13 November 2016

Motherhood doesn't come naturally to me

A collage of pictures of me and Squidge

I know it's been a while since I've blogged, I've been taking a little break. Life has been really busy (I'll do a separate update) and I needed to focus on that and have a little down time.

I've been thinking about writing this post for a while.  I often describe myself as a bad mum, I could do so much better, and I want to.  I get one day a week (Friday's) where it's just me and Squidge. I look forward to it all week, I absolutely love our mummy/baby days.

We get up, get dressed and have breakfast. We play for a bit, maybe do some drawing, watch a film and chill out. It's a very chilled out day. But I know that's not what I should be doing - I should be taking him out to get fresh air, take him to the park or on a ride on the bus, but we don't. We generally don't go anywhere. 

I get petrified that if I take him out, something will happen to him, or that I'll fail to cope with a tantrum, or that something will happen to me and he'll be left alone. The fear of that is so strong, I feel petrified to leave the house with him alone. It's a total different story when hubby is home, it doesn't even cross my mind, but when I'm alone, I have 0% confidence to take him out by myself.

I've never had that natural motherhood thing. I'd always hoped to have kids, but never had that ache to have them. One day on the way into work hubby and I talked about it, I said that I was getting older and that if we saw kids in our future we needed to start thinking about it. As much as we loved our lives they way they were, we always saw ourselves growing old with children, so we started trying.

When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't believe it. I'd grown to believe that it'd never happen, so only took the test to prove my Dr wrong. It wasn't until my 12 week scan that I actually believed I was pregnant. 

Being pregnant was amazing, I loved every minute of it and couldn't wait to meet Squidge, I was in love with him a long time before he was born, and even now I'm constantly looking at him in complete amazement that he's actually mine, I love him more than I can possibly put into words and would lay my life down for him in a heartbeat. 

But being a mum just doesn't come naturally for me, it's hard. I know it's hard being a parent for everyone, but that thing where you say 'XX is SO good with kids' isn't something people would say about me. I doubt people would even say 'Georgina is such a good mother', and I'm not saying that so you'll all say 'oh yes you are don't be silly), it's just the truth.

He's always front of my mind, thinking of him ahead of my own needs, in fact, hubby is ahead of me too in the pecking order, but I should do better by him and I think it'll always bother me that I don't make more effort - that I don't take him out on Friday's like I should, that I should have more patience, that I should do more activities with him.

I wish I was one of those people who found themselves taking to motherhood like a duck to water, but I don't, I wish there was a button I could press to flip the switch in my head to make that happen.
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